In life, everything comes down to two things. Fear and Love. That’s it, fear and love. Those are the two choices we have to work with. It can be so easy to pick fear and hold on to everything because it is familiar, and it is what we know. Even if it is no longer working for us, we stay stagnant and resist the changes that are being worked through us because we can be scared to face some uncomfortable things in life. We spend a lot of life pushing things down. Know, or perhaps we feel judged because we trusted someone with information and they used it to manipulate us. Or, their response did not make you feel secure and supported which was what you needed. If that has happened to you, as hard as it may be, that person you turned to in your time of need that responded poorly or talked you out of doing something that you wanted to do, or hurt you so badly to the core that you have been unable to let it go. Is it unfair, yes, it is. But, that person, was coming from a place of their best. And, that they could give at the time. Sometimes, even at our best, we can be our worst. Sometimes, the people we turn to bring out the worst in us. It is an opportunity to learn from our “teachers” to fix these triggers and wounds within ourselves. Take a deep look at the root of the trigger and come to a place where it no longer triggers you. Trust me, it can take a while to forgive and work through some of these things. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. There is one key step that you need to take first before you venture along the path of forgiveness of others. You have to start with forgiving yourself!
The relationship that we have with ourselves is the foundation that we have with everyone else in our life. I used to think it was crap when people would say that to me. I thought that they didn’t know what they were talking about. The first step of forgiveness that you must take is looking at yourself and forgiving yourself for the things you did unknowingly. For that one time you saw all the red flags but continued down the path anyway and it led you to a bad place. It’s time to forgive yourself. If you are replaying things or decisions in your mind that when badly for you a month ago, or forty years ago – STOP. To move forward, you have to forgive yourself for feeling like you let yourself down. Some of you may read that and think, that’s crap. You can think that now and that is ok. But, you may find a moment in your life where it clicks. You will look at it and say, I couldn’t forgive whatever situation, because, at the root, I forgave the wrong person. That is why sometimes, you can forgive someone, but it still bothers you and it can continue to boil inside and eat away at you. Go back to the situation and forgive yourself. Then, when you do that, you can come to a place where you can let it go fully from your mind, body, and soul. Holding onto unforgiveness, only hurts you. The other person, may or may not care or even give it a second thought. But you have to free yourself from it first. It all starts with you.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run. Through forgiveness, you can find patience and compassion, not only for yourself but others. Peace in your heart that filters into the peace of mind that so many of us have been trying to find for so long. We can turn the fear and ego out and have peace. It comes from the inside out. So, as you venture into forgiveness, start with you, and then work yourself out to the other people in your life. If those people see the growth and happiness, they will either look and you and ask how did you get happy, or I don’t forgive you. If they can’t forgive you, that is ok. That is on them, not you. The moment you truly forgive yourself and then them, you are free from the burden of carrying it and can move forward. Spend some time using the Ho’oponopono payer:
I’m sorry, please forgive me, I thank you, I love you
Do this for yourself for five minutes a day for at least seven days in a row. When and if you want, if you feel that perhaps you can’t face the other person you need to forgive, close your eyes, visualize them in front of you and say the prayer for your situation with them. Let it then all workout, and it will. That is when the healing process can begin to fully come full circle and spread through your entire life.
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