I remember as a child it felt like time was taking forever. Now as an adult I feel like I blinked and this year was almost over. Last December I was so excited, and thought 2016 is going to be the best yet! Being the year of completion, I thought I was going to clear my patterns and karma. I thought it would be easy and I would be fantastic. Boy was I wrong! One of the things I learned this year is that what you think you are going to work on and learn can be completely different than what the Universe has in store for you. But, remember that even though it may seem like the Universe is out to get you, it isn’t. We all face different challenges, setbacks, illnesses because they will either help us grow and expand, or will help us see and learn areas in our lives that need attention or the ones we were either ignoring or avoiding. The months leading up to this year, I could feel things shifting for me specifically health-wise. Whenever I wasn’t paying attention to something important that was shown over and over again, my physical body would step in and get my attention and force me to stop and notice. It started slowly in August and progressively got worse in the months following. Then, in December I ended up spending the week leading up to Christmas in the Hospital. That was when I realized that 2016 was not going to be as easy or exciting as I had thought.
With each changing of the season, I would do whatever I could to welcome in the change needed to heal or clear away whatever it was that was keeping me in this pattern. There were times I would get frustrated, because I would make plans in July for October thinking, for sure I will be better by then. October would arrive and I somehow developed a new issue. I remember having multiple conversations with God telling him “listen, I get it, but can I deal with one thing at a time instead of multiple things.” And it wasn’t like they were small things either. Over and over during the year, I found myself back to where the year started in the hospital. And, trust me, despite trying very hard to keep a positive attitude, I was mad as hell. When you are struggling, it is easy to feel that you have been abandoned. If you already have abandonment issues, they are intensified on top of everything else happening. I felt like even my guides had left because I didn’t have the interaction I once felt with them. When I would ask them why, I was told they hadn’t gone anywhere. In fact, they were still right there with me. They explained that at that moment, what I needed was to be in the physical to spend all my energy on healing. When I interact with them, my own essence is in the Spiritual and although it is important to be in both, that is not where I was meant to be at that time. That often made me more upset. I liked the spiritual and we often try to seek the highest vibration. All of this made me feel like I was vibrating at a much lower level.
Despite knowing my path, by midyear I felt more confused than ever about what I was meant to do. But how could this be a part of my path? It was the Spring Equinox. Despite running and fever and barely being able to walk, I went outside and stood in the grass and gave it all to the Universe as I had done so many times before. I was so ready just to feel better and I wanted all of the health issues gone! As I was standing there letting everything go, the wind started blowing and I could feel everything that I was releasing being blown away. When I opened my eyes, I saw bumble bees. Bumble bees represent personal power and many think they are representatives of the sun. I thought for sure I would wake up the next day and just be magically healed. The day after I would wake up the same.
Many people over the last year have asked me how I can stay so positive? I tell them, trust me I have my moments I am not so positive. There were times where I felt it was so much easier to give in or not care because I had not only been dealing with it this year. I have been dealing with health issues for sixteen years. Besides doctor appointments, tests, procedures, infusions and transfusions, I was doing physical therapy three times a week. In the beginning I would get so tired and it would hurt so badly. I had someone special tell me if I don’t try or don’t push myself just a little further every time, the only person I would be hurting was myself. That was a key shift in the process. How would I know what I was capable of unless I tried? So I started trying things I would normally do. There were definitely times that I couldn’t do them, but at least I tried. I would keep trying repeatedly and I eventually succeeded.
So even though I still have challenges I am working on, next year is the year of New Beginnings. I have hope that new beginnings will be the areas of my health. I have, however, learned some important lessons this year.
- It is important, that no matter what you are facing, to have patience, not only with yourself but others.
- Even if others do not understand what you are going through, it is ok, because not everyone is meant to.
- I learned empathy on another level that I had not known before. When I see people with their own set of physical limitations, I will have a unique perspective because I have been there too.
- There were time this year where I had to say no to things, or to put myself first. That was the first time in 33 years that I had to do that. We are taught somewhere in life that putting ourselves first sometimes or saying no to things like family events or social functions is being selfish and that is wrong. It is not wrong, it is listening to our bodies and having enough respect for ourselves to honor our intuition.
- Regardless of how we may feel, we are never abandoned spiritually or physically. It can be hard to find that right balance between not wanting people in your business or just having pity on you, and having the support you need and desire to get you through both here on earth and in heaven.
Often times in our lives we must face the consequences of decisions we made as teenagers or young adults. For years I thought it was unfair, because how could someone so young be responsible for something I would have to deal with as an adult. It took me a good part of this year to realize it didn’t have to be that way at all. We are all different people now than we were in our youth. We all grow and evolve. And, sometimes it is really hard to forgive people that abandoned us, betrayed us, hated us, called us names, bullied us or put us in really uncomfortable situations. How do we forgive those people? I wish I had the answer to that question! I do know that it really all starts with forgiving ourselves. Taking ownership of whatever part we played in things that lead us to our present is important. Maybe we didn’t always make the best choices. Knowing that it is ok to just release the parts that are no longer serving you. Think of it this way. At some point we will meet that special someone. From the moment of that meeting the past doesn’t seem to matter. Life will always be different. Sometimes that is a man, or a women or even a child. In that moment we strive to become a better person not for them, but for ourselves. I think this year of completion has brought, to most of us, the ability to love and accept ourselves even through the tough times we face, or the moments we want to give up but don’t. I think if we all look back to where we were this time last year, we will find ourselves a little wiser, stronger and with expanded souls for all the new beginnings coming our way next year!
“Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment. This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addition, every piece of garbage, every breath. Every moment is the guru.” – Charlotte Joko Beck
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